San Francisco, CA — On Monday history was made at
the Chapel of Our Lady at the
Presidio in San
Francisco as the first-ever state recognized human-animal marriage took place.
Local resident 35-year-old Paul Horner was the groom
during the ceremony. Joining him was his faithful dog Mac who is 36-years-old
in dog years. Mac also decided to be the groom but ended up wearing a white
veil at the last moment.
Father McHale who officiated the outdoor wedding
told reporters he was extremely happy to be a part of this joyous moment of
life. “This is the definition of true love my friends. There is nothing more
sacred than the bond between a man and his faithful dog,” McHale said. “Now,
since it is recognized as a legally binding marriage in the state of
California, Mr. Horner and Mac will have all the same tax benefits and
everything else coming to them that a regular married couple would receive.
It’s a fantastic day to be alive!”
So how could this have happened?
In the book of California’s State Laws and
Regulations there is a little known law that was passed as the state was first
forming in 1850. According to article 155, paragraph 10, it clearly states:
If a man and a man can get married and a woman and a woman can get
married, if ever comes that day, then a human and animal will have the exact
same rights to marriage in every eye of the law. God help us if this ever is to
happen!
In attendance was
Horner’s entire family who flew in from Hawaii to witness the event. Mac had
her puppies on hand and making a special celebrity appearance was Alex from Stroh’s and Spuds Mckenzie.
“I just love my Mac so much, I can’t wait till we
can finally get back to the honeymoon sweet in Montana where bestiality is
legal. Gosh, get with the times California! We can marry here just fine, but
love making is a big no-no,” said Horner. “People keep asking me why I wanted
to marry a dog. I told them I just want the same god given rights that every
person in California is allowed to have. Don’t tell me I can’t marry my dog. I
don’t tell you that you can’t marry a 500 lb woman with gas issues. That’s your
decision. Don’t tread on me. I love my dog and I know he loves me a hundred
times more than any gay wedding out there.”
With this wedding between a man and a male dog now
on the books, one can only ask what is in store next?
A man marrying a toaster? A toaster marrying a dog?
A toaster marrying a toaster?
America, what happened to the sanctity of marriage?
Tsk. Tsk.
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